Parenthood

Today marks the advent of adulthood for my son, in years anyway.  Milestones like these are times that give cause for me to pause and reflect on my son’s life and also on mine.  In that reflection, it would be logical to see a little bit of me and some of his mother in that vision…he is our boy after all.  But the largest part of that vivid picture is that he has become his own man.  He has his own unique persona, very different from his Type-A father, yet he commands an air of confidence around others that surprises me, since he claimed for years that I sucked it out of him as his soccer coach.  The truth was that my teams were always better because he was on them.

My mother informs me that I was hard and demanding of my children.  I saw it otherwise.  As with most parents, I had high expectations for my children.  I wanted my children to strive for excellence in school and every activity they engaged in.  I wanted to see them earn recognition for their hard work, drive and self-discipline. I guess secretly, I wanted them to be a lot like me. 

My mother goes on to say, she wishes she had pushed me and my siblings harder.  As a parent, regardless how old you are, you often wonder, what if…?  What if I did this or that differently, would my child be better because of it or would there have been a different outcome in my child’s growth and development?

In retrospect, I look at my role as a father with my daughter and son and also how my parents raised me and my siblings.  It seems that both my father and I were strictest with the eldest and more lenient with the youngest.  I was very fortunate that neither of my children exhibited behavior that required my intervention, and my daughter will tell you just the look I gave her was enough to keep her on the straight and narrow.   

Last month, I overheard a mother talk about how proud she was of her daughter.  Her teenage daughter had slipped a roll of LifeSavers into her pants pocket in a store without paying for it.  On the way home the daughter told her mom that she had put the candy in her pocket and wanted to go back to the store and pay for it.  The mother took the daughter back to the store and the daughter went to the cashier to pay for the candy and confess that she had “accidently” taken the candy without paying for it.  The cashier quizzed the young lady about why she put the candy in her pocket to begin with and did not acknowledge the good deed she did by coming back to pay for the candy.   The mother was not happy with the cashier’s response.  It sounds a bit twisted to me as to what lessons are being passed on from the mom to the daughter. 

I tell this story because I recall another conversation I had with a guy I played soccer with for a decade or more.  He was talking to me about his grown daughter who had just moved to Florida.  This conversation was about 11 years ago, which would make my daughter close to the time of getting her driver’s license. I asked what advice he could lend about raising a child to adulthood.  His response was simple and direct.  Provide your child with a safe harbor, unconditional love, your culture and values that clearly mark right from wrong and leave the rest to God.  Once they leave the nest you can only hope they will take what you gave them in earnest and choose a path that gives them success and happiness.  Be aware that they may choose an alternate path.  Just know the path they choose is their choice and not yours.  That is their induction to adulthood and they have to experience it themselves. 

Dr. Spock gave us a guide for the early years.  But I could not find a handbook, recipe or roadmap for the years that followed.  As a parent I hope I provided the foundation and platform for my children to make the right choice(s).  As a parent, I will still wonder what if… 

Welcome to adulthood my son.  Happy 21st birthday!

Thankful

I was at meeting yesterday that started with an invocation.  Prior to the prayer, the Chaplain gave us something to chew on.  He said if you are ever feeling blue, then this is what you should do.  Grab a piece of paper, a writing instrument (or a computer with a word processing program for the techies) and list 25 things you are thankful for.  If you are still sad after that, then it might be time to seek professional help. 

I am thankful to God for all that I am and all that I have.  There is not enough memory on my laptop or desktop to capture a line item accounting of those things.  I don’t have to look very far to recognize and realize how blessed I truly am.  Family, friends, physical, mental and economic health…what more could I ask for, what more do I need?

I am readily cognizant that regardless how bad I think things may be for me at any given time, there is someone else out there in a worse condition.   Those 25 things are a great reminder that I have much to be thankful for and should take more time to reflect on my gifts and give thanks much more often than on a Sunday and Thanksgiving day.  Amen.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Who Would Have Thought...?

Who would have thought that I would lose my job with evidence that supports quality improvement related to targeted measures of accountability?  (I received my full allowable performance bonus the month prior to being asked to resign).  Who would have thought that the politics of corporate life follows a person to the field should they return there?  Who would have thought the road to landing a job would be a 25 month journey?  Who would have thought that I would defy discouragement and depression during this downturn?  Who would have thought I would turn disappointments into lessons learned?   Who would have thought that some people who I would have reported to if the job was offered found me overqualified or threatening to their position?  Who would have thought I had to relocate from a 6.3 million people metropolis¹ to a small town 1,500 miles away to secure employment?  

Here’s the skinny on the rocky road to re-employment:

727 applications submitted

553 different companies where applications were submitted

567 applications for jobs in TX

468 applications were in the Dallas metro area

56 applications that resulted in follow up (phone or face to face interviews)

4 advanced to second phone interviews

19 applications afforded initial face-to-face interviews

4 advanced to 2^nd face-to-face interviews

2 Skype interviews

3 interviews that the company either paid for or reimbursed me for travel costs (Houston, East Tennessee, South Carolina)

143 companies that sent me a thanks but no thanks response

584 companies that did not respond beyond the auto email stating the company received my application.

14 applications submitted were jobs for which companies decided not to hire anyone.

6 versions of resumes, each possessing improvements from its predecessor.   

I am so glad to have returned to the working class.  Not so much for the $, but to be back in the saddle of success.  Who would have thought I would ever had said that? 

Reference:

1.        http://www.chron.com/databases/Census2010Texas.html

Traveling is a "Trip"

One of my favourite activities is traveling.  I once had a job that allowed me to be on the road 40 out of 52 weeks one year, logging over 100,000 air miles.   It was a great learning experience.  The first time I parked my car in a garage at the Dallas airport (DFW) it literally took me well over an hour to find it as I walked through two garages level-by-level on a hot Texas summer night trying to recollect where I last left it.   Every trip since, my parking location is logged in my phone before I leave the garage to go into the terminal. 

I recently had an opportunity to travel to the southeast for a job interview.   The first clue that this trip was going to be different is that I thought I booked a 7:50 a.m. flight when in fact it was a 7:50 p.m. flight.  So I get to the airport at 6:45 a.m. and acquire my ticket through the self-service kiosk and move on to the security checkpoint.  I place my quart- sized bag with my < 3 ounce liquids, my shoes, my watch and my iPad in the grey plastic bin.  A new addition in the process of which the TSA agent informed me now requires removal of belts.  So that got added to the bin as well. 

I was then asked to slip into the “naked” scan machine.  I thought maybe my tanned face and arms from hours spent on the soccer pitch this summer might be the catalyst for the decision to get the full body scan.  Or could it be because I was 12 hours early for my flight?   Then came the pat down.  A touch to the rear discovered my wallet in a back pocket and then came a message to the TSA patter man communicated via his walkie-talkie radio that suggested I was not considered to be a terrorist threat.  I was then released to the open spaces of terminal B to find my flight once I got my shoes and belt back on. 

While looking at the flight schedule on the overhead listing I discovered that there was not a 7:50 a.m. flight.  However, there was an 8 a.m. flight.  I went to the gate to try to get on the 8 a.m. non-stop flight, but it was oversold.  The next flight was at 2:30 p.m., and it too was oversold.  Both were regional jets that seat 37 people.  Why does the airline continuously oversell and then offer $300-400 incentives for a person to take a later flight and give up their seat on the oversold flight?  And they wonder why they financially struggle.  I remained in the airport all day reading a book and walking around.  My wife suggested I leave and return.  I said one pat down was enough, thank you. 

During my stay in the airport I noticed many unaccompanied minors getting off planes and unite with their parents, grandparents or an adult on the approved list.  I got a sense of multiple family dynamics through my observation…close (hugs, excitement), distant (smile, obligatory hug), confounded (kids with divorced parents either coming home or going to spend time with one parent).  I also got a sense that all major airlines should be in the black is because of the sheer number of people who were at the airport.

By 7:50 p.m. the departure gate had already been changed twice and the plane would be delayed for at least an hour.  At 9 p.m. we board the plane after a 3^rd gate change.  The flight was uneventful and I land at 11:30 p.m.  Got my rental car and checked in my hotel at 2 a.m.  Two mid-morning face-to-face interviews allowed me to spend the afternoon checking out the area just in case I have to relocate.  I got to the airport at 4:30 p.m. for a 5:30 p.m. flight to Dallas via Atlanta. 

I went to check in and discovered that my flight to Atlanta had been cancelled.  No one seemed to know why, it just was.  I called the customer service number the customer service rep with a fixed smile provided me to try to get on the later and last flight of the day.  Again, it was a regional jet and was already oversold before this flight had been cancelled.  The customer service rep scheduled me to depart the next day at the same time (5:30 p.m.).  This was unacceptable, especially if I had to stay another night at my expense.  I was determined not to spend another full day singing the airport blues.  I informed the customer service agent that his company was costing me money and that I would refuse to fly on that carrier again.  I got a 5:30 a.m. flight that would get me in Dallas around 9:30 a.m.  I have been on flights that were cancelled, but the airline put me on the next available flight or sent me to another carrier that had a flight going to the same destination on the same day.  This was my first cancelled flight that was an overnight layover.

I had just turned in my rental car and had to find a room for yet another night.  All the rental car companies except one were out of cars available to rent.  The agent at the rental car company knew my situation and subsequently charged me a pricy rate for a compact car with manual door window control and manual door locks.  One night with that car cost me more than the 4-door Chevy truck with power windows and locks I rented the day before.  They saw me coming J.

I arrive at the airport at 4:45 a.m. the following morning and breeze through security, even as I forgot to take off my watch.  I move on to the lower level of the terminal and head for the gate.  As soon as I reach the gate, we get the message that the gate has changed and we have to go back upstairs to the lobby level.  The flight to Atlanta was quick and the layover was long enough for me to get from one terminal to another with 10 minutes to spare before we boarded the next plane.  The flight attendants on both flights were great as were the pilots, but if I want my next trip to go without a hitch, I think I’ll pass on flying the D airline if I have a choice.  The best part of the trip turned out to be on the terminal train in Dallas as I was going to the terminal where I left my car 2 days earlier.  On the train, were band members with their instruments wearing their tour gear and I thought one of their signature songs “That’s the Way I Like It” could be the theme song for the customer service training I could put together for the airline.  What a trip!

Who Are You?

There is no bone in the chimpanzee body that I don’t share nor is there no known part of the immune system, digestive system, vascular system, lymph system or nervous system that I have and a chimpanzee does not and vice versa.  We are only 2-5% different in genetic structure from chimpanzees.²   I am who I am.  Who are you? 

The aged old debate goes on as to whether nature (genetics / heredity) is more significant than nurture (environment) in shaping who we become and are.  My life experiences suggest that the environment is crucial in the early developmental years…cultural adaptation, values formation, and behaviour patterns while hereditary influences include physicality, propensity for disease or illness, and intelligence that carry forward from cradle to grave.    

I recently started delving into my past to learn about my genetic past.  I took a long leap backward and participated in the National Geographic Genographic Project and submitted my DNA to see which group(s) my ancestor’s belonged to as they migrated out of Africa as far back as 60,000 years ago.  I ponied up the money for a dual report…maternal and paternal.   Only males can participate in getting both because of possessing the X & Y chromosomes.  It was not a big surprise that both sets of my ancestors trekked north to Europe. 

My wife’s maternal family tree is traced back to the 1600’s with origins in United Kingdom.  Her distant relatives were among the first Europeans to inhabit this great nation on the east coast.  Apparently the research related to this tree has been in the making for many years by a number a people.  The further you delve into the history of a family it becomes really interesting to see the linkages and how closely connected we are.  My wife has some kinship to the infamous Lizzie Borden in her tree, so I have learned to sleep even more lightly since I have learned that bit of information J.   I expect her father’s family to also have originated from the U.K. with a name like Blackford.  My son can be safe and secure wearing the England national team football jersey.

With the help of my cousin and his wife we were able to start piecing things together to get some sort of visualization of our family history on my father’s side.  It has been an interesting journey.  In my quest, I learned that my surname today is not spelled the same as it was yesterday.  For example, my last name is spelled La Combe, my grandfather’s native name was Lacome, but changed it to LaCombe circa 1943.  Records indicate his name was Lacome when he was elected to the Colorado State House of Representatives in the early 1940’s, but appears that he changed it soon thereafter. 

That has been one of many hurdles in my attempt to discover my ancestral history.   I recently finished a biography of a frontiersman who lived in the vicinity where my parents and grandparents lived which gave an accounting of life during the time Colorado was part of the New Mexico territory¹.  It was a raw, rugged and rough existence.  Survival in this land required courage to fend off threats from nature and other people.  As a consequence of the locale and times, there were untimely deaths that afforded more than one spouse during a lifetime and the adoption of children.  These events have created a challenge of ensuring relations in the attempt to complete the puzzle. Then there are a few whose names we know through oral history, but records of their existence are barely evident.  We’ve traced the Lacome name back to France, but the fathers before me with that name in the U.S. were given Spanish first names…Juan, Francisco, Guillermo.   Really?  Go figure.  My generation from the Lacome/LaCombe/La Combe family of whom I am associated with broke the Spanish first name tradition.  

For many families living in the San Luis Valley and north central New Mexico prior to the 20^th century most of the women were named Maria or Josefa and the boys were Juan, Joseph, Jesus or Jose.   We have found the middle names to be critical in identifying which Maria among 5 in a family was in fact my great great… grandmother.  I also found people from different clans with the same surname marrying each other.   One branch led to origins from Spain, which is perceived to be more prestigious than having origins from Mexico in some parts of the world.  That is just on my dad’s side.  I expect twists and turns on my mom’s side since some of her family moved often before finally establishing roots in Colorado.

I truly enjoy learning who my forefathers and foremothers were and finding that one bit of information that gets me to the next generation.  Once you get started it becomes addicting.  I can trace one branch of my family back at least 7 generations in this country to early 17^th century, or over 100 years before our independence.  In fact, one of my great…great grandfathers was a conquistador and one of the original settlers in New Mexico who was beheaded in 1643 because of his relationship with the Governor of the New Mexico.  I have found traces of Spanish, French, English, German, Dutch with probably some Mexican and Native American tossed in for good measure in my ancestry.  

In a multi-cultural world what does it mean to be Spanish, French, English, German, etc., beyond cultural and geographic differences?   As an American, does it matter where our ancestors originated?  Is there any cultural relevance from an ancestral group after being removed 3 generations or more?    In the end, the scientific reality is that we as a people began the journey of life in Africa starting with 2 people and that makes us all kin to one another…who knows, the person you marry may be your 13^th cousin…just as long as it not your first or second, even if it might be legal J. 

Sources:

1.     Perkins, J. E. (2005).  Tom Tobin: Frontiersman.  Adobe Press; Monte Vista, CO.

2.     Ridley, M.  (1999).  Genome:  The Autobiography of a Species in 23 Chapters. Perennial Harper; New York.

My Age Gauge

Ever since I could remember I was faster than the average person.  I was able to learn and pick up things faster than most.  I was almost always the kid with the most pace on the playground or in a sporting event.   My hands were quicker than all the boxers I met in the ring.  This not to say that my speed made me a great scholar or athlete, it just allowed me to compete with others who were a bit slower, but had different valuable gifts or better technical skills.  This gift of quickness was my benchmark in comparing myself to others, especially when I matched up with them on the soccer pitch.  It was what I used to determine my age in a physical sort of way.  My pace earned me the moniker Cheetah, and that eventually became the name of the teams I managed or coached.

I played soccer over 15 years as an adult.  I had incredible pace and as a result became a center forward whose main task was to score goals for my team(s).  My teammates would make long passes that would allow me to run after the ball (Greyhound mentality).  It should be known, that I dislike running, especially when not accompanied by my iPod.  However, if you place a soccer ball in front of me, I can run and run and run and love it.  On many occasions for a decade of more I would catch up to the ball sent in front of me and either get tripped by the defender trying to track me down or would increase my distance of separation and allow my opponents to see #13 on the back of my jersey as I inched closer to the goal.  At 35 years old, I was out running 18 year olds on the pitch.  I felt 15 years younger.

Something happened at the age of 38.  I could still run fast and keep up with everyone, but I was no faster than the young guns that I used to pass by.   Four years later, I lost a second step.  I could out run 30 year old guys, but not those 25 or younger.   The gap between my chronological age and my imagined physical fit age narrowed.  I took a couple of years off and at age 45 I joined a team where I was 10 years older than the next oldest player on the team.  At that point in my life I was not physically fit and carried 15-20 more pounds than the last time I had played.   About every 3^rd game that season, I looked like I could run with the pack and keep up.  The rest of the season was spent on defense playing catch up and tending to arthritic knees.  It became more pain than pleasure, so I hung up my boots after that season and continued to play indoor and coach my son’s club soccer team.

Fast forward to several years later or present day.  I have dropped those 15-20 pounds and received medical treatment for my arthritis that allows me to run without pain and fluid build up that requires drainage.  I am certainly not fit to play a full soccer game, but am not totally sedentary.  I generally spend an hour or more every Sunday afternoon on an open field with a couple of soccer balls and my iPod.  I am in constant motion; sprinting, jogging, kicking and walking.    

I still coach the club soccer team my son once played on (www.celticunitedfc.com).  The boys on this team are 16 – 19 years of age, full of raging testosterone and speed.  I participate in their quarter mile warm up run during most practices (2x / week).  The rule is if anyone on the team is behind me at the end of the run, then they have to run another quarter mile.  On most occasions I trail the pack because I burn out after the initial lead, but I don’t finish an embarrassing last, or they might just be kind and not want to be cruel to an old man.  At least I force them to sprint during the initial 100 yards.  The discouraging reality is that when I am out of gas, I am out of gas.  No reserves to call upon to push forward with a final kick like in the old days.  Last week, I had a burst of pace that came from years past that resulted in 14 of the 18 having to run another quarter mile.  One of the boys told me, “Coach I never knew you had it in you.  You are really fast.”  At that moment, I felt 35 again and pondered if I got a bit more fit, could I still play with guys 15 years younger than me?  

Who's in Control?

My last blog on timing takes me to another thought regarding fate or destiny vs. randomness vs. self-determination or free will.   The former implies an external locus of control that the individual has no or little influence in altering.  You might hear someone with this disposition saying, “Alas, so be it.  It is God’s will”, or as my father would say – “que sera sera.”  The middle suggests that the odds increase considerably when one conducts his or her life with deliberate caution and avoids situations of potential harm as Ben Stiller so competently portrayed his character in the movie Along Came Polly.  The latter position is an individual who is determined to create their destiny and legacy in their own way, a la Lady Gaga or Richard Branson of Virgin Airlines fame. 

A lesson I learned in post-graduate studies was related to transformational learning, i.e., enlightenment that redefines how one views the world or serves as a catalyst in a major life transition.  Most learning is transactional, i.e., a “seller” (books, articles, teachers, online curriculum) “sells” to a “buyer”, aka the student or prospective learner.  This type of learning can be informational, addendums to prior knowledge, or skill/performance preparation.  A book written by Paulo Freire, Pedagogy of the Oppressed describes a population at large who are social-economically challenged agricultural illiterate labourers and led to believe their fate would remain as it was.  Education reinforced this message via a method of “banking education” and a “culture of silence.”  Banking education is where the teacher deposits information into the student’s account and the student withdraws enough to pass the near-future memorization test.  There is no perceived need for critical thinking, therefore no dialogue.  An underground effort to educate these people provided a groundswell of literacy that empowered them to take informed action against their oppressors and change their state and fate.  This is a true example of transformational learning that helped people recognize their plight and move to another state of being…destiny to free will.  As you might expect, this book is banned in totalitarian states.

In a recent movie titled The Adjustment Bureau starring Matt Damon the story line is that his life is scripted.   He learns his fate and then goes rogue in attempting to change his predetermined destiny.  The emotional pull of “love” was the driving force to execute free will. 

So what causes us to predominantly favour one position over another?  Could it be cultural nuances, genetic predispositions, ignorance, self-confidence, empowerment, oppression, religious doctrine, fear?  How can a person justify paralysis in a situation that demands action?  Or how can a person justify living life with calculated risks to avoid situations that could potentially cause harm?  Or how can a person justify “going for it” regardless of the outcome?  I suppose the degree of risk and reckless endangerment would be significant factors in that analysis.  And then, what causes us to change from one position to another in a given situation?

This debatable thought has had sages of philosophy churn out their ideas on the matter for years – nature vs. nurture, free will vs. Karma, etc.  As you can see by the general model below it has blossomed into a scientific journey that involves reality.  What is reality?  Aristotle, Socrates, et al. had some things to say about that.

My thought is that each life builds upon the moment to moment experiences we encounter or take in via sensory acquisition and that each situation thereafter reflects reactions to those experiences.  My personal belief is that I have been blessed with the freedom to make choices that will either better or worsen my state.  The more knowledge I have about the choice the greater chance my selection will improve my situation.  Simultaneously, there are events in the environment that I cannot control and am subject to be in harm’s way if I don’t take action.  Yet, there are limits to what I will or won’t do according to the risk of harm involved and other personal factors.   In a nutshell, I believe the situation determines which philosophical camp anyone might fall into at a given time and that determination can be by self or by some other external force.  It’s our choice, or is it?

Source:  http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/7b/DeterminismXFreeWill.jpg

Timing is Everything

Have you ever wondered how things might be different if the timing of an event was altered?   As I pass by motor vehicle accidents I quickly glance at the wreckage while others gawk and create conditions for additional harm.  These accidents occur at a precise time…seconds later or earlier at that exact site would probably offer a different scenario.  There is always a pondering of what if…?

I am sure you have heard the old adage around misfortune and good fortune, “he was in the wrong place at the wrong time,” or, “she was at the right place at the right time.”  Think of victims of drive by shootings in the former or to the latter when a person who gets a job promotion at the same company she works at because the job was only open to internal candidates.  What if either person was in the same place, but at a different moment?  Would the outcome remain the same or would it be different?  Obviously, each situation is different and with each comes a different set of outcomes to consider with varied degrees of significance. 

Years ago, my father was grazed by a bullet fired from a gun wielded by a person he had an altercation with at a social gathering establishment in Denver.  What if the shooter had been more accurate at that moment, or my father moved a couple inches here or there?  One could assume it would likely not be me writing this piece. 

On January 25, 1848 the United States acquired California, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Utah, and parts of Colorado and Wyoming from Mexico via the Treaty of Guadalupe Hidalgo after the Mexican-American War for $15 million after 9 months of negotiations.  Gold was discovered in California on January 24, 1848.¹   What if gold was discovered earlier and Mexico became aware of it?  There would likely be:  no Hollywood, no Lakers, no Dodgers, no Giants, no Angels, no Raiders, no Kings, no In & Out burgers, no Golden Gate Bridge, no Hotel California, and no Austrian Governor, etc.  

On November 24, 1963 President John F. Kennedy was scheduled to meet with his ambassador to Saigon, Henry Cabot Lodge, to finalize the plan regarding the withdrawal of all Americans from Vietnam by 1/1/1965 per his Executive Order (NSAM 263).  JFK was assassinated 2 days prior to the scheduled meeting and the new President, upon ascendency to the position, issued a new EO (NASM 273) that cancelled JFK’s NASM 263.¹   The Vietnam War Era ended on May 15, 1975.   The U.S. suffered over 56,000 casualties in Southeast Asia between 1965 and 1975.²   What if President Kennedy lived long enough to execute his Executive Order?

On 9/11/2001 the United States was attacked by terrorists using commercial airplanes as weapons of mass destruction that has changed our way of life ever since.   Following is an excerpt from an article titled “The Miracle Survivors”:  “Sixteen people survived inside the collapse of the World Trade Center, and they were all in Stairwell B of the North Tower, in the center of the building. The survivors were spread out between floors 22 and 1. A step or two slower meant death, but so, too, did a step or two faster. “³  

Timing is everything!

Sources:

1.     Morris, S. Jr. (2010).  American History Revised: 200 startling facts that never made it into the textbooks.  New York:  Broadway Books.

2.     http://thewall-usa.com/summary.asp

3.     http://nymag.com/nymetro/news/sept11/2003/n_9189

The Moment

This past weekend I had my first “professional” photo opportunity.  I was actually paid to take action pictures of kids playing soccer at a tournament.  My photos would be combined with those taken by 4 other photographers on assignment.  As part of the contractual agreement, all photos were property of the company that hired me and I was not able to add any to my portfolio of photos taken that I am proud to display.  In light of the recent revealing photos sent by a Congressman, it should be noted that all my photos are G-rated J.

There were 3 challenges for the photographers at this event:  1) 100^o temperature, 2) covering 4 games on different fields going on simultaneously, and 3) capturing the “Kodak” moment(s).  The first two were quite manageable, while the latter was more difficult.  Not all games had a lot of memorable occurrences to shoot during the brief time I had at each field.  Nonetheless, I tried to get the best action shots the players would allow me to secure. 

Capturing the moment in a photo is a tricky thing.  The run, the pass, the tricks, the challenge, the header, the shot, the save or the goal, the reactions and emotions, are all activities that take place at one moment in time…less than a second to record that event on film. A second too late or too soon misses the moment you wanted to capture.  And then you have the position of the sun, shadows, positioning and focal length to contend with.   This is where the science of photography comes in.

In soccer championship games when the game ends in a tie after regulation time and overtime the game is decided on penalty kicks.  Final penalty kicks (PKs) are taken 12 yards from the goal line.   Five individuals are selected from each team to attempt to kick the ball past the opposing team’s goalie into the goal.  If a team scores 3 goals in this format and the opponent scores nil, or 4 goals to 1 then the match is over and the celebration begins for the team that scored.  Otherwise whichever team has the best tally after 5 shots wins.  If the teams are still tied after 5 shots, another different 5 players are selected to take PKs.  From that point, all it takes is one goal and one miss by the opposing team to claim victory.  As you can imagine, after pouring all your physical energy onto the pitch in Texas sized heat, these 12-yard shots are significant and capturing the moment is memorable.

As the photographer I had to make split second decisions.  Where do I position myself to take the pictures while remaining sensitive to the shooter and keeper in ensuring that my presence is not a distraction to them - to the side, behind the goal, behind the kicker?  What do I want to capture – the shot, the ball in flight, the dive by the keeper, the blocked shot, the ball going in the net, the relief of the shooter who scores, or the self confident bravo of the keeper who stopped the shot, or the pain the shooter endures when missing a shot?  Once those 2 decisions are made I take my shot(s).  The scene I decide to try to capture is my interpretation of the event.  This is where the artistry of photography appears. 

I came to the realization that the best format to record the PKs is via video recording.  That way you capture everything in real time.  In photography you only get one opportunity to capture the moment…and I wonder if I did???

To see some pictures of the tournament go to www.charismaphotography.net and click on the Copa Al Dia link at the top menu bar.  Only one age group is loaded at the moment…more to follow.

Stress

Last week I was asked how I deal with stress in a job interview. I struggled with one because I rarely see stress because I have learned to effectively manage it over the years.  People who know me consider me to be a Type A personality who is eternally optimistic.  I constantly challenge the clock to reach a destination on time.  I arrive at the airport gate as the announcements for 1^st class boarding begin.  If I have to be at work at 8 a.m., I arrive at my desk ready to begin my work day at 7:59 a.m.  If I go on vacation, I cram as many miles on the rental car each day as I can in 12 hours while trying to see the sights…just ask my family about the Black Hills/Mt. Rushmore/Devil’s Tower/Garden of the Gods/Great Sand Dunes road trip – 3,000 miles in 5 days.  You get the picture…good or bad, I like stressful situations.  My family, not so much J. 

I place people in 3 camps in how they respond to stress.  Camp 1 is people who come unglued and freak.  They sweat, they shake, they get confused and disoriented, they get headaches, they lose the ability to think clearly or rationally, their stomach twists and turns, the blood pressure increases and adrenaline flows as they instantaneously decide to flee or fight (mentally and/or physically).  They often wait for the next shoe to drop or envision doom coming around the corner at any moment believing that they are not able to control their environment.  Camp 2 are people who once were in Camp 1 but now take prescribed medication to help them better cope with stressful events.  Camp 3 are people who remain cool, calm, collected and shrug off stressful events while carrying on as if it were business as usual.  These people have learned stress coping strategies or received the right stuff from their ancestors.  How many people do you know who are in each of the 3 camps?  Which camp are you in?

While the camps allow for a nice way to compartmentalize reactions to stress, there are actually several degrees of stress people experience.  First, stress is a reaction that is as unique as is the individual experiencing it.  As an example, my wife is going on a business trip next week and she started fretting over it the minute she received notice. I on the other hand, would have welcomed that as an opportunity to see or learn something new.  You see for me, every journey, regardless of how many times I have trekked the same path, is a novel experience. 

Think of people who have gravitated toward roles that possess high risk of safety to self or others and are inherently stressful:  doctors, nurses, police, military in combat, pilots, truck drivers, athletes, just to name a few.   In healthcare I see the adrenaline junkies who work in the ER and Trauma units.  Not all in the medical field want or need that kind of  daily stress and I see a high level of burn out of these folks if that job related stress is not managed effectively.  If I were a clinician, I think I would ply my trade in the ER. 

      

Second, stress is situational.  I am convinced that the more times you experience an event the less stressful it becomes.  One year I logged in over 100,000 domestic air miles related to my job.  Each time I boarded the plane I knew there were no guarantees that I would arrive safely, but the odds were heavily in my favour that I would.  Generally, I encounter very little, if any stress related to flying.  One flight that sticks out was a small propeller engine plane that carried me through a wicked thunderstorm as I flew from St. Louis to Memphis…lots and lots of turbulence with significant drops along the way and a lightening strike.  That was one where I was constantly in prayer and making deals to be a better person if I got to the ground in one piece.  Well, I did, and I think I am.  Most people on the plane held a tight grip on the arm rests or to their newfound friend sitting next to them.  As stressful as that trip was for me, each future flight with turbulence paled in comparison and my stress levels and blood pressure were much less than what I encountered on that scary flight.

Third, reactions to stress include inherited genetic DNA.  People in families with histories of high blood pressure have a large propensity to also have HBP.  Frequent responses to stress are certainly unhealthy for people with HBP.  I reside in Camp 3 and I know if I don’t manage my reactions to stress effectively then I also know there are some serious health consequences.  My wife is a natural worrier and she gets that honestly from her mother’s innate disposition.  It’s not that she always expects a poor prognosis, she just doesn’t desire change or uncertainty because she finds it stressful.    For 20 years, I have been preaching to her to look at things differently and let go of those things she can’t control which can be a little or a lot depending on the situation.  I have come to realize that the genetic pull is stronger than my words of self-proclaimed logic and wisdom in managing stress and that leaving Camp 1 and moving to Camp 2 is moving in the right direction. 

One of Many Things I Take for Granted

As much as I try to stay mindful that all the good fortune I have enjoyed is reciprocal to the blessings bestowed on me, I still tend to take things for granted.  Take my peepers for example.  One of the most precious gifts given to me is my sight.   I continuously gaze in wonder of the world about me using my innate lens and expect that this vision will reappear each and every day.  I am a very visual person.  I learn best through observation.  I strongly believe that visual perception is the most significant personal definer of reality.   What if this ability to see was suddenly taken away?

It is estimated that there are 2.5 million “legally blind” people in the United States.¹   Most “legally blind” people have some vision and only 15% are totally blind.²   The definition of legal blindness is a 20/200 visual acuity in the better eye with best lens correction or contraction of peripheral visual fields in the better eye to < 10 degrees or so the widest diameter subtends an angle < 20%.³   Most people encounter visual impairment through aging or disease and significant loss of sight is more often progressive rather than immediate.  

I have had the experience of being “sightless” for 1 day.  As part of my academic study, I took on an internship with a public funded non-profit organization that served the blind and visually impaired.  It became my place of employment for 1 ½ years.  As part of my orientation to the work I was to be doing, I was required to wear a blindfold for an entire day to gain a small glimpse of what my future clients might feel and encounter.  It was truly an eye-opening experience (couldn’t resist the pun).  There were feelings of dependence, loss of control, helplessness, and fear.  Think about how much we depend on our sight as we go through our daily lives.

During this day of orientation, I learned the basics of using a cane to navigate through my surroundings.  I learned to depend on other senses and the importance of tactile becoming a new way to see the world.  On this day, I attended a lunch with the organization’s Board of Directors.  For desert we had cake and I was given the task of cutting it.  Fortunately, someone put the knife in my hand and positioned the cake in front of me.  Everyone got a great laugh at the end result, especially those who were blind.  It was truly a humbling experience.

Over the next 18 months, my role was to help the visually impaired secure employment, and provide support to newly blind individuals via teaching them how to use optical enhancements (magnifiers, computer screen enlargements, etc.) and adaptive equipment in the workplace.  I also facilitated the support group of people who lost their vision as a result of diabetes. 

Among those I served, there were many who appeared lost and defeated after their blindness set in.  And there were others who were determined to live life as if blindness was more of an inconvenience than a disability.  Our role was to help people become as independent as possible.  It is so much easier said than done.

Five blind individuals that I got to know well stood out as being independent.   One was an elderly woman whom I had the privilege of escorting to be recognized by President George H. Bush as a “thousand points of light” recipient.  I worked with two remarkable women who were totally blind.  One was blind from birth and married a totally blind man.   The other lost her sight to a visual disease around 13 years of age and used a guide dog to support her mobility around the city.  The fourth individual was a gentleman who once was a music teacher who lost both his sight and hearing.  The fifth person worked in a bank as a manager utilizing adaptive equipment to support his work effectiveness.  He generously arranged and paid for my wedding night hotel stay.   All 5 of these individuals got about the city of Memphis using public transportation. 

Additionally, I served on the Mayor’s Advisory Council for People with Disabilities and met some incredible people who overcame much to remain independent and were proactive in ensuring this group was not overlooked when civic decisions were being made.

One incident exemplifies the abilities of a person without sight and I use this as an example in my diversity training.  I was charged with creating a promotional brochure for the services the organization provided.  I created the draft, reviewed it along with my 6 co-workers (pre-spell check era, including the Executive Director (pre-spell check era).  We were able to print documents in braille for our 2 blind employees to contribute.  Everyone approved it, save one person.  One of the blind employees found a typo that the sighted group missed. 

My life lesson on this one was that I no longer saw this person as disabled.  She was “differently abled”.  She could read what I could read, only she did it differently and on that occasion, better.  This work experience afforded me to fully appreciate the gifts I have and the realization of what I could lose.  It also reminds me to be thankful for each day that this gift presents itself and not assume that it is one that is guaranteed.

Sources:

1.     http://www.visionsvcb.org/statistics.html

2.     http://www.visionaware.org/low_vision_terms

3.     http://www.aoa.org/documents/CPG-14.pdf

Legacies

The last Monday in May is designated as a national holiday to remember those who died defending our country’s rights, values, and freedom.  Beyond those active duty memorials it is also a time to reflect on family and friends who have also departed from this world. 

On Sunday I took my mother to the cemetery where my father is buried.  She replaced the spring-like arrangement of plastic flowers with a new assortment that will bear the heat and humidity of the coming summer.   I also placed a wreath on his grave that had a ribbon across it that said “Dad.”  After paying our respects to him, we roamed about visiting other graves acknowledging those we knew.  Some were older and some young.

One grave that we visited was that of a young beautiful girl who lived not far from my parents and was a childhood BFF of my daughter.  She was a victim of a heinous crime that ended in her murder.   She never got to see her 9^th year of life.  It has been 20 years since her death.  I wonder who she would be today?  Perhaps a wife, a mother, a lawyer, a doctor; the possibilities are endless?  

I am a firm believer that people in general can exceed expectations and become an individual of notable importance to one or many.  The degree of importance is determined in one’s legacy.  How will this person be remembered and who will remember this person?   

Approximately 2,000 years ago, a person name Jesus lived and now commands billions of followers.  About 500 years ago, it is suggested a man named William Shakespeare lived and penned plays and prose.  Today, he is applauded as the greatest writer of the English language.   Roughly 60 years ago, a kid from Memphis, TN influenced a new brand of music called rock n’ roll that has not been equaled.  All three are remembered post-mortem for their contributions to our world and today, the notoriety of the former two greatly exceeds that which they experienced during their life and the same may be said for the latter as over 600,000 visitors came to Graceland last year – 28 years after it was opened to the public.¹

I occasionally visit cemeteries to gaze at names, dates, gravestone notations, etc.  I see graves decorated with flowers, figurines, mementos, clean or polished grave markers, or other evidence that someone has recently been to that site.  I also see other sites that are aged, and have no indication of recent visits.  I expect the memorial visits end when the last living person who knew the deceased also dies.   It is at this point in time I believe that most of us become anonymous to the masses. 

A recent exception to this belief is a family in Frisco, TX who pays homage to a boy named Walter Hagood, Jr., who died in 1908.  His family was moving westward and stopped in Frisco long enough for his mother to deliver Walter and then bury him 4 days later..  A lady, Nancy Higginbotham, who lived in Frisco, TX at that time told Mrs. Hagood that she would maintain the grave for their family.  One hundred years later, the great-great grandchildren of Mrs. Higginbotham continue to decorate the grave each May.²   This deceased child is unknown, but not anonymous to this family.   The family values of loyalty and honesty are its legacy. 

We are all significant to those we love and those that love us.  Beyond that, it poses more questions for me about the significance of my own life.   As I get older with the sobering realization that in the normal order of things, I am a member of the next generation who will one day possess only a head marker above a sod of grass that identifies me as one who existed.   Who will come to place flowers on my grave?  What will those who come to remember me recall about me?  Will someone acknowledge me three generations ahead or will I be one of many forgotten people who once lived on earth?   We each are responsible for our legacy and I personally dislike the thought of one day being seen as one who lived life anonymously.

  Source:

1.     http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Graceland

2.     http://experts.patheos.com/expert/alycemckenzie/2011/05/09/decoration-day/

The Will to Win

Charlie Sheen claims to be a winner.  At face value, he appears to have lost more than he has won…his job, his family, his credibility and his bloody mind.  

On the flip side of the coin was a remarkable game last night in which the Dallas Mavericks professional basketball team rallied from 15 points down with 5 minutes to play to force the game into overtime and eventually tip the scale to win the game in the NBA Western Conference finals.   As the Oklahoma Thunder gained the believed insurmountable lead I left the game and turned my attention to one of a few British programs that I record.  A half hour later, I returned to ESPN to check out the final score and was shocked to see the game was tied in overtime.  I couldn’t resist watching the end of this turnaround.  

How did they pull it off?   I expect they collectively had a determined persistence and an unwavering belief that they could do what needed to be done to secure a victory.  A team doesn’t win 70% of their games expecting to lose.  Winning provides a sense of satisfaction; a mission accomplished.  It begets the desire to win again, and again, and…  

When you look at desire and resilience there are many examples from which to choose. The U.S. rebuilt its naval and air capabilities after the devastating loss of 21 ships and the destruction of 188 planes in Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941 to win the WWII Pacific Ocean Theater.  Eighteen of those ships were restored to utility.¹   Abraham Lincoln failed in attempts to win a state representative position, a U.S. Congressional seat, a U.S. Senate seat after 3 attempts, and the nomination as Vice President before he became President².  Michael Jordan, arguably the best basketball player ever, failed to hit the game winning shot 26 times³, and missed more shots than he made in leading his team to 6 NBA titles.⁴ 

As you can see from my prior posts I have a strong affinity for sport analogies.   Here is another one.  How many boxers have won fights after first falling to the floor of the ring?  Take a look at the fictional Rocky Balboa.  Even though he lost the first fight against Apollo Creed, he claimed victory in going the distance…pummeled and knocked down for 15 rounds, but not knocked out.   His will to win was not about attaining the title, but walking away with pride.  The next fight he came away with the belt in Rocky II.

My father used to often offer these quotes to me:  “nothing ventured, nothing gained,” and ‘where there’s a will, there’s a way.”   Accordingly, he delved into projects not in the domain of his expertise, never once considering the scent of failure.  He exemplified the “can do” spirit regardless of the outcome.

As one who facilitates learning for adults in the workplace, I see the improbable becoming possible.   I see action resulting from lessons learned.  I see people accomplishing, transitioning and transforming.   I see and believe that we can be or do just about anything we really want to.  It’s comes down to a matter of how bad do we want it?

My ingredients for having a will to win are determination, hard work, competence, confidence and heart.   Any effort without any one of these ingredients is a recipe for failure.  The Mavericks showed their finished product last night.  Can they do it again on Wednesday?   It goes back to their will to win…how bad do they want it?

1. http://www.history.navy.mil/faqs/faq66-1.htm

2. http://showcase.netins.net/web/creative/lincoln/education/failures.htm

3. http://www.businessinsider.com/thomas-edison-and-michael-jordan-were-failures-2010-9

4. http://www.nba.com/history/players/jordan_stats.html

The Best Among the Rest

The 2010-11 professional soccer and basketball campaigns are coming to an end.  As one might expect, in soccer the favourites are bringing home the hardware:  Manchester United in England, FC Barcelona in Spain, and AC Milan in Italy.    In basketball we are seeing a couple of upsets (Spurs and Lakers) that I attribute to passing the torch to a younger assembly of athletes.   Beyond that, the teams with the best overall records are moving ahead in the playoffs.

How do people become good at what they do?  First, most successful people love what they do.   Every good professional, regardless what profession, tirelessly toils toward mastery by nailing down the basics and fundamentals via dedicated diligence, practice, and intelligence.  According to Malcolm Gladwell in his book titled Outliers:  The Story of Success it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become truly competent in a field of endeavor.¹

To be good in soccer, it’s a combination of several things, as it would be for any other engagement of action toward performance.  For starters, one must learn proper technical techniques in dribbling, passing, receiving, tackling, and shooting fundamentals.   Secondly, soccer intelligence is needed to learn tactics, e.g., movement without the ball, formations, overlaps, jersey tugs, faking a foul J, etc.  And finally, you have to put the ball in play enough times to be good so that you can effectively perform and anticipate your next move before you move.  

My daughter competed against carefully selected students in high school choirs.  She has my competitive gene and ended up 1^st chair alto in West Tennessee and #3 in the entire state.  Wow!   As I listened to many of those in the competition it was hard for the novice ear to discern how or why one sounded better than another.  We can see that illustration clearly when the American public votes for the next American Idol.  In a world of competition the margin of difference between good and great can be very thin.  

What separates LeBron, Dirk, Kobe, Derrick, Kevin and Dwayne from the others in the NBA?  I believe it is their consistency of performance.   More often than not, they will deliver extraordinary performances compared to that of their teammates.  That is not to say that any of the others in NBA are not capable of giving extraordinary performances, but they just don’t do it as often as the aforementioned do.  The great ones that play for winning teams perform by leveraging their strengths to complement the skill sets of their teammates.   

The best example of multiple great players on one team that I have witnessed is FC Barcelona which currently bears many players from the 2008 World Cup champions (Spain) and contains the 3 finalists nominated for the 2010 FIFA World Player of the Year:  Lionel Messi (winner), Xavi Hernandez and Andres Iniesta.  To watch this team play is to see why soccer is called the “beautiful game.”  I just bought tickets to see them play in Dallas on August 6, 2011!!!!!

As I bring this thought to paper or the workplace, who is the person you work with who brings their A-game day after day?  I bet that person is smart, engaged, driven, and recognizes it takes a competent team to win.  I can probably also bet that person is you or will be you, give or take 10,000 hours J.

Sources:

1.  Gladwell, M. (2008).  Outliers:  The Story of Success.   New York, NY:  Little Brown & Co.